Go wash the liquor out of your breath. We've got a big day ahead of us.
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
Blood and Lace opens with a murder, shot from the killer's point of view, showing the weapon itself.
Which must have seemed a clever way to build anticipation,
until you realise that given where the hammer is and the fact that it's held rigidly there,
the murderer must have had it taped to his chin until he needed it.
It's also surprisingly flammable.
The murder leaves young Ellie going to an orphanage.
'Ellie, you're still a minor'
This seems to be one of those rare orphanages that mostly caters to adults.
'I'm nearly 21.'
No you're not. But we'll forgive that, because it's run by Gloria Grahame who starred in The Big Heat.
'All that's in the past.'
And the man from social services says it's fine.
'I inspect that house myself, twice a year '
Really? Here's a kid trying to run away.
I feel like the inspections could be more rigorous.
Much more rigorous.
Poor kid.
'I'm thirsty'
'How long have you been up here?'
I'm still thirsty.
'What I don't know won't hurt me'
So we have a gory murder and an orphanage where kids are mistreated then frozen in the basement,
and where no one questions a man carrying a bloody sack with a hand hanging out of it.
'What are you doing Tom?'
'I'm working, go back upstairs Pete.'
'Okay don't get mad'
Then there's Gloria's husband.
'He's not living but that doesn't mean he's dead'
He just likes to do impressions of Norman Bates' Mum.
'That's a good comparison'
This is alongside the usual stresses of putting teenagers in a house together.
'He looks nice'
'He's also my boyfriend'
Oh they have something in common. I'm sure it will bring them closer
and if you thought Ellie had at least put that first murder behind her then Stop!
#Hammer time#
Blood and Lace is not badly made, Gloria Grahame is excellent
'You'll be punished for this Ellie'
And it's nowhere near as pervy as you might expect,
but I worry that any conclusion that ties together those disparate plot threads will be confusing.
A worry the director seems to have shared, cos they haven't bothered.
'You've got to see it to believe it'
Ellie escapes the inescapable orphanage.
'RUN!'
Really feels like the others weren't trying.
'We don't like kids to run away from our home'
She's pursued by the mysterious hammer-wielding man,
who is not the murderer; Ellie is
and the man....
'Calvin?'
'That's right Calvin.'
This is the policeman investigating the murder of Ellie's mother,
who has dressed up as Freddie Krueger's Grandad because he found the home suspicious
and thought the best way to investigate was to make Ellie think he was the man she murdered out for revenge,
prompting her to flee the home and forcing Gloria and Tom into action.
A brilliant plan.
'You're so clever Calvin'
That results in 3 deaths.
Though I don't think the policeman cares as his real objective is Ellie herself.
'I wanna marry you'
Who is his daughter.
(
'Well evil breeds evil honey. How about it?'
When I rehash it like this it sounds confusing, but actually it's pretty Scooby Doo,
what's confusing is why anyone would put these plotlines together.
'You sure got a strange way of doing things.
'Gloria's husband was one of Ellie's Mum's clients.
'And Jameson had found other beautiful women, women like your mother'
but this has nothing to do with the murder.
In fact the orphanage plotline and the murder plotline aren't related at all.
'That's ridiculous'
and the teen romance impacts on neither of them.
'Yeah, it's all there'
All of it; frozen kids, sex in the shed, hammer murders, incest -
it's all just shit that happens to Ellie
Although she did kill her Mum, so maybe it's a morality tale.
'You and your little slut can have each other I'm clearing out.'
Thanks for watching This film was recommended to us by patreon supporter Aidan Woodard. So thanks Aaden
The film is called blood and lace the blood we get
Why lace?
Any suggestions in the comments below?
But if you try to leave I'll have to report it to the sheriff.
For more infomation >> Memorial Day Fan Mail special on 'The Five' - Duration: 13:26. 
For more infomation >> Rep. Scott Taylor on veterans' access to private health care - Duration: 5:11. 

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