And that's why the internet will be available only during certain hours
Now to our main topic
Vloggers
These are in control of mass opinion
Especially including our teenagers
Even you-know-who has more than
2 million subscribers
Our Lenta project was a total shitshow
but the remaining 12 billions were used for
creating a completely original
pro-government vlogger team!
A national vlogger team sounds reasonable
Show it!
So
Just a minute
So this one is special
He gets the most of the budget
I get frequently asked
Why won't I move to Moscow
I think the answer's pretty obvious
Nizhny Novgorod
Today's a very special day
I'm heading to the other end of the city
by the best and most comfortable means of transport possible
Check out these neat handles which won't let you fall during your trip
There's also these soft and comfy seats
But the centerpiece is this view out the window
So pretty!
Hold up, does Nizhny actually look like this?
I wish
It's CGI
Just as I told, it's the most expensive one
Welcome to my new...
Workshop!
There's a number of things to do outside Moscow!
Why can't you film it in the actual city?
This will be tricky
You need a permit to fly the drone - it takes months!
Block the traffic to prevent car crashes
Hide all the ruins
Notify the Cia, the DHS, the FBI
Get all the filming locations approved
Bribe the Mayor too!
Got it.
Who else we've got?
The second specimen...
Oochpochpie!
He's got the simplest and most accessible format
for making fun of our opponents internationally
Now this is interesting, move on
What's up, squadfam!
It's me
OOCHPOCHPIE!
And I'm feeling someone-
-someone
done fucked up
Yes, of course
It is Americans again!
CYKA BLYAT!
17 awkward handshakes by Trump!
SEVENTEEN!
I haven't made that many awkward handshakes in my whole life
and here we have
a complete
compilation!
YOU LAUGH
YOU LOSE
Why are you clapping his hand?
It's a
it's a handshake
Clown
Just a clown
You're like Yuri Galtsev who became a president
A black man
in politics!
Obama!
Who pees all over my front door!
And Trump!
Who makes me angry!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, AMERICANS?!
TRUMP!
You're sitting on your nuclear codes all the time
and you can launch rockets
and who's launching all the rockets in the end?
ELON MUSK!
He gets billions of dollars!
And shoves them up his ass!
Rockets aren't supposed to do that, Elon Musk!
They go up, up into space!
THEY DON'T BLOW UP
Several billions of dollars go to to shit
Just give US the money!
We'll level it to the ground
Just as we did with your shitty products!
Your software too!
Look, your software
really makes my dick soft!
Why are you sending cars to space, Elon Musk?
Cars can't exist in space because - hellooo
There aren't any roads!
ARE YOU STUPID
If your car gets stuck, there's no one to evacuate it
Because - breaking news -
There's zero people on the moon!
How about that, Elon Musk?
Your dumb
You might ask - who can fail much more than Trump?
Hmmmmm
Who can fail waay more than Elon Musk?
Hmmmmmm
Of course
It is the brave lads
from the US Army!
It looks like it's
it's a military parade
a formation which is meant to look beautiful
be agile
and do tricks!
and what did this dude do?
HE FUCKED IT ALL UP
His dear mother
just wanted to be proud of her Johnny
But Johnny is an idiot!
And that's it for today!
Dear Squadfam
Leave a like
Merch in the description!
Of course!
Of course!
Of course!
I didn't finish my video!
I didn't finish my video!
CYKA BLYAT
Yeah, this clown is decent, we can work with him
Is there someone, well, you know, more relatable to the people?
There's this family couple
They're funny!
Let me show you
- Ira! - What?
I've got a question for ya, Ira!
A very important question!
What are you gonna say about this dude, Ira?
He looks like he loves himself a lot
You're goddamn right, Ira!
- And you know what else does he like, Ira? - What?
Not. Covering up. Terrorists.
Durov Akbar, bitch!
That's right! Pasha loves not covering up terrorists!
What Pasha?
Ladies and gentlemen
PAVEL DUROOOOOOOOOOV
This man's excuses - who doesn't want to provide deciphering keys to our country -
Look just as legit and natural as his hair!
What's wrong with his hair?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS HAIR?!
Absolutely nothing, Ira!
Its 200% natural! Its just as natural and organic as I am!
Just like my body!
Look, Ira! I'm gonna show you!
Look!
This is an organic body of an organic and natural human being!
I'm just like Pasha Durooov!
I'm standing up for the freedom on the interneeeet!
Any similarities, Ira? Does this look like Pasha Durov?
That's how Pasha looked when he was a student
And this is how he looks right now!
During the time of DIGITAL
RESISTAAAAAAANCE
Did he get a hair transpl-
HAIR TRANSPLANT?!
Do you really think so?
I don't think so, Ira!
I think that's because Pasha is so talented
so talented and inventive
that his asshair - right from his asscheecks
immigrated to his little bald head and just sprouted
You know what, Ira?
What?
I want to be just as talented
just as natural
and handsome
as Pasha Durov!
Pavel Durov, like Pavel Durov, I'm just like Pavel Durov
I am so natural, I'm like Pavel Durov, I'm just walking around
I am for anonymity, I don't care about the law, I'm like Pavel Durov
I love terrorists and ass hair
I'm like Pavel Durov, I love taking photos of me, I love my body
I'm for anonymity, I'm like Pavel Durov
I'm like Pavel Durov!
Wait, hold on.
Wasn't Pavel Durov and Telegram our project?
Well, a test of blocking the internet or I've got something wrong?
I'm confused too, to be honest
Alright.
Who else is there?
So
This is Leha Paul
His main audience are 8-16 year old children
What's popping, Lehgang! It's Leha Paul and I've got amazing news for you!
What's that?
Hurry!
What's that? Spring? Spriiiiing!
Sanya, look! Spring! Birds!
And what does it mean?
It means that spring call-up has started!
and it's time for me
to join the army!
Because I'm ready for it!
READYYYYYY
This new mega amazing law obligates me not to wait for my summons
and I'm not going to!
because I'm
#READYTOSERVE
I'm happy, I'm super happy!
By the way, I've prepared a special army mega bow which you can buy
Link in the description!
#MEEEERCH
Lengang, where am I? I'm at ma mans house - Lieutenant Colonel Goodnotaev!
He'll tell me whether I'm ready for the military or not!
What up?
Let's go, bro!
Shit
Pavel Vasilievich
This one's 100% yours
100%!
his!
Sit down, please
So, doc, is he ready?
He's good
And where do you want to go, lad?
I want all the heat! I want to tear! I want to kill!
By the way, you can take my brother too!
He is a biiiitch-ass conchie!
#SNITCHINGONBROTHER
Eeeee boi!
Alright, this one is obvious, turn this dumbass off
Listen, what are we going to do with all the current ones?
Who do you mean?
I mean the vloggers, they'll stir shit up just as usual, sons of bitches
Don't worry about that
They're all on the hook
there's files on them ever since SpasiboEva
In case of any disturbance half will be working on factories and other half will be imprisoned
Now we're talking!
They would dream of the Great Chinese Firewall!
Alright, you can start now
Strictly confidential, location classified, extreme paranormal activity, 1983
What the hell is that?
Things are getting stranger and stranger
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