'What a desolate forsaken place.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Let's get this over with so we can get home'
We're looking at King Dinosaur, the first film of Dark Corners favourite Bert I. Gordon.
'Do you want to go on or turn back?'
A new planet in our solar system prompts a mission of scientific discovery,
and several acres of stock footage as a state of the art spaceship is built...
'Tested.'
Immediately letting us know that this is the movie science forgot.
'Now the mice are floating in air.'
Sure they are.
The team of scientists selected to visit planet Nova comprises 2 men and 2 women.
Who naturally use the long journey to hook up.
'Maybe you can help me with this do you remember any of your chemistry?'
'Enough to know about the chemistry between us.'
Probably the only accurate science in the whole movie.
'An active volcano - this planet's quite young, Pat'
Yep, no active volcanoes on earth.
'What do you think Nora?'
Actually, I don't care about this any more than I care about budget constraints that make the effects laughable,
and night shooting an impossibility.
'It's be a lot easier to find our way in the daylight'
I do care that a well-prepared mission of intelligent scientists spend a few hours walking and…
'Is this the way we came?'
I care that they didn't bring a tent.
'Hey how about that?'
'Home sweet home.'
'Step up to the front desk and register.'
Basically I care about the errors that are nothing to do with money or time.
'No reason why we can't take a watch too'
'Yes there is'
One man is injured whilst rolling around with a rubber alligator.
The important thing is not to point fingers,
'It's nobody's fault - what were you doing away from this area anyway?'
Two of his comrades go back to the ship for supplies. But when the injured man wakes up.
'You've been unconscious for a day and a half'
They walked a few hours from the ship, what have they been doing?
'Hey, where's you pick this one up?'
'We didn't he picked us up.'
You stopped to pick up a pet while your mate was bleeding to death?
'This is just great'
While they were gone...
That's something to tell the other two when they get back.
'Anything unusual Dick?'
We were attacked by a giant bug but it doesn't seem worth mentioning.
'You know I think they all read too much science fiction, probably thought we'd run into some sort of super race up here or something'
But even these very fixable errors you sort of forgive because it's a Bert I. Gordon film and say what you like,
when he calls a film The Amazing Colossal Man, you get an Amazing Colossal Man, so…
That better not be the King Dinosaur.
'It resembles the Tyranosaurus Rex of Earth's prehistoric age'
In no way whatsoever.
'King Dinosaur'
Now I'm pissed.
Although probably not as pissed as this actress was at her co-star.
Here's the thing; this is a scientific mission to the extent that the crew is a zoologist, a minerologist,
a doctor and a chemist, they don't even have a pilot, I've actually no idea how they got here,
so what do you suppose their reaction is to this amazing discovery…
Completely unprovoked.
'Here, shoot it, do something'
They're now pinned down in a cave, in terrible 'just off-camera' danger.
'Ow, my arm!'
So call their friends for help.
'We've got to get to them'
'No, they've got to get to us'
If they could get to you they wouldn't need you here,
and they just leave of their own accord.
'Over here!'
'Faster!'
Thanks, you've been a massive help!
'I brought the atomic bomb, I think it's a good time to use it'
Say what now?
'Set for 8 o'clock - that's a half hour from now'
'Comeon lets get out of here.'
Okay, firstly; You didn't pack a tent but you brought an A-bomb?
Secondly; yeah, I'm sure half an hour of running and paddling a dinghy is plenty of time to escape the blast radius of a nuclear device.
Thirdly and once again; you're scientists exploring a new planet of extraordinary creatures
and your reaction to this is...
Okay is anyone else now feeling like we over-reacted?
'Well we did it'
Did what?
'Brought civilisation to planet nova.
'The crazy thing is, I'm not sure that line's ironic.
Thanks for watching, to see more of our Bert I. Gordon flims click here.
We've done a few films by the notorious b.i.g. But which of his should we review next? Let us know in the comments below?
Come on. Let's go home
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