Hi everyone, welcome back to my channel Sugarmama TV. My name is Canna, and today
we're talking about something I've never spoken about before on my youtube
channel. And that is bullying. A couple of weeks ago I went to an amazing Gary Vee
event. And during the presentation they put this amazing quote up. And that was 'You'll never meet a hater that is doing better than you.'. Now I shared that quote
on my Instagram account and I had an overwhelming number of likes and
comments. And I asked you guys whether you would like to see a video around
bullying. Because bullying is something that I have been impacted by. I
experienced in my past, and I still experience today. But it's something that
I have learned with a lot of professional help, and a lot of great
advice from family and friends. As to how to be more resilient around bullying. How
to not let it impact us as much. Now having said that, I'm not completely
immune. It does rattle my cage, it does upset me and hurt me. But I'm finding I'm
able to get over a lot quicker. And I thought it was really important that I
try and share these ideas and tricks with you. So if you know someone that's
impacted by bullying, or you're impacted by bullying yourself this might help you.
Because if we can show that bullies don't impact us, they have no effect on
us. We remove their power and hopefully we can stamp out bullying for
good. Because our world does not deserve to be bullied. Now before I start this
video. I want to make it perfectly clear I am NOT an expert, I'm not a counselor,
I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a psychiatrist. I am just a normal human
being that is also a very sensitive person. But it's something I'm really
passionate about, and I want to focus on solutions. I want to focus on building up
our resilience and strength when it comes to dealing with bullies. Because we
take away a bully's power, Now something really funny is I just went to film this
video about ten days ago. And just before I was about to start planning and
preparing for it. Something happened out of the blue. And I myself personally was
attacked by a really mean, dictating bully. But it got worse the person
was with me, who I love so much and is so incredibly special to me was
also subject to the bullying. And it was actually because I was able to deal with
a lot better than the other person. It really made me realize how serious and
passionate I am about this. And we need to focus on solutions around building up
our own inner strength and confidence. So that bullies can't impact us. Now the sad
thing about bullies is, they don't realize what they're doing. They have no
idea that they are actually being a bully. They're completely oblivious to
the impact of their words, of their actions, of their venom, of their detest
and hatred. It's that's actually incredibly sad when you think about it.
Imagine not being aware of how mean you are. That is just so heartbreaking. So
we've got to remember that is actually the sad thing for bullies. They have no
awareness of the impact they're having on other people. And a bully over a long
run it's gonna end up with no friends and no one really loving them. If they
have friends it's probably coming out of a place of fear, rather than actually a
true genuine authentic love. Now this technique was taught to me many, many
years ago. By an incredibly wise and very spiritual person. And they said when you're
being bullied imagine this huge, large mirror in front of you between you and
the bully. And the mirror is reflected towards the bully. Now the mirror is what
you use to stand strong, so you are protected by it. And you stand there with
your shoulders back your head up high. You know staying centered, connected and
grounded. You just hold that mirror strong. What happens is is you imagine
that mirror, as that bully is like smashing and saying all these hurtful,
mean, cruel, narcissistic, evil, hatred things towards you. It's bouncing off. It
hits the mirror, and because the reflection is the bully. It bounces back
off the mirror straight back to them. But it gives the opportunity for the bully
to see the ugliness and the meanness of what they're doing. And hopefully if
they're a good person, they'll stop dead in their tracks.
See the impact of what they're doing and how hurtful it is. Because it's actually
being bounced or repelled back off the mirror back onto them they get to that
sense of empathy, that sympathy. They get to almost step into that person's shoes
that they're trying to direct that meanness and that hatred to.
In the meantime you're protected by this big strong powerful mirror which is
your emotional shield. The next thing is to give no reaction. Be calm, breathe be
present. Now this is what I did the other day when this happened it was almost
like an out-of-body experience. I was actually like stepping out and watching
this situation play out. And because of that I was able to act in a very calm
and rational way. I was able to step in and protect this person that was with me.
I was able to stand up, I was able to state calm facts. I was able to give
realistic strategies and advice to help try and defuse the situation. Now these
things are all great and good, but sometimes in the heat of the moment we
can fight. We can flight, or what's worse which is what I normally do. Or used to
do in the past, and then is simply freeze. But one way I found to really help
overcome this situation, is to roleplay. So if you know that you're going to be
going to an event or being a situation that's coming up. That you're nervous and
anxious about where you're going. They're going to be bullies around you
or this a chance someone might attack you or bully you. You role play. So you sit
there and imagine all these situations where someone's doing it. But you
roleplay and you see yourself handling the situation with dignity. You see
yourself coming back with the strong come back, so you see yourselves sitting
tall, Standing strong. You see yourself, you role play yourself not reacting. You
think about how are you going to respond back to that person. That typical
predictable mean comment. You role play so you actually almost like an actress
or an actor stepping in. So that you can nail your scene and they have no impact
on you. Because you're so, you planned and prepared so well they just cannot rattle
you. They cannot get that reaction they're desperately trying to get from
you. Now to help make that role play and oscar-winning performance. What I suggest
you do is you jump on YouTube, and I do this all the time especially a really
nice way to end the day. And I will look up on YouTube funny comebacks and you
will see the most amazing comebacks from people like Sofia Vergara, Hillary
Clinton, Taylor Swift. All these amazing empowering women they're having the
wittiest funniest smartest intelligent comebacks. And they do it with such poise,
such elegance, such dignity. But they don't actually bring down the person
that that's trying to attack them or bullying them or criticizing them. They
do it from a place of empowerment where they elevate themselves up, so that the
bully actually shrinks and becomes small and actually really quite irrelevant.
Because they stand there sitting strong and proud. So jump on YouTube. I'll even
link a few videos that I love watching down below. And watch these smart funny
comebacks. And you'll see text message comebacks, you'll see celebrities,
you'll see everyday people. It's actually really incredibly amusing and you
realize that you can actually turn a situation. Where someone's trying to bully
you and actually make them laugh and actually turn that bullying and stop it
dead in its tracks. And actually then start actually projecting love towards
that bully. Because if you can make them laugh, you've got them. And then you can
realize that they're human just like you. And you can actually you start feeling
sorry for them. And as I said project love back to them because really bullies
are just scared cowards deep down. Now the next thing
that I personally do that also really helps. Especially after you know a
situation where you've been bullied. And I would say to myself how would my
friend Sarah react in this. And I know how my friend Sarah would react. She's a
really strong and resilient person. She's like 'Oh well, oh how silly their loss.'.
And just thinking about how they would react. I start to adopt it and I start to
take on that energy and that strength that they have themselves. Another
technique that I learned many years ago. And that is to take an image in your
mind all that mean nasty bully. And strip them, get them in their daggy underwear
looking embarrassed and naked. Then shrink them down in your head make them
really small and if you like even distort their image. Make them have a
really big like, nose or really big ears. Something really unusual, weird about
them. And shrink them down so much so then there are size of an ant. What that
does is makes you realize how small and insignificant they are in your
own life. That they actually, it's no big deal you can just literally look back
you just flick them away. Because they're just irrelevant and insignificant. Again
that helps you deal with when you see them. Because they don't have as much
emotional impact or trigger or reaction within you. The next thing is is talk to
people when this happened. Ten days ago I picked up the phone and I called two of
my closest friends. I explained to them what happened and they were there to
reassure me. To let me know that I handled the situation really well. I did
the right thing and that I'm okay and that I'm gonna be okay. And then I was
able to realize that actually I came of that out of that unscathed.
I came with that yes a little bit rattled a bit shaken up, but I came out
stronger and wiser. And because of that out-of-body experience, by applying these
ideas and tricks that I have learnt in the past. I was able to realize how
messed up and how unhappy and how toxic the bully was, that was directing this
towards me and this other person. And that was very powerful because it made
me realize how far I've come. How much survived, grown as a person. I
used to be a shell of a human being. I used to be incredibly insecure. I used to have
horrible nightmares. I used to sleepwalk, I used to have horrible anxiety that was
just debilitating and I would just freeze in panic. And it made me realize,
wow I have gotten so much stronger. And that makes me want to let you know
anyone can learn to become strong. Anyone can be learn to become resilient. Now
the next thing that it comes to dealing with bullies, and this is why those women
in those youtube videos, and those people replying back to those text messages
is. They have strong resilience. So make sure every day you invest in yourself
and you make yourself become stronger. Focus on the positive things that exist
within you. Focus on the skills that you already have. The skills that you're
strengthening. Focus on the people you've got around you and how much they love
and support you. Focus on your goals, focus on your own motivation. Bring
the energy back to you. Because when you hold your energy, you don't let bullies
take it from you. Now to end this video I want to talk about one final last
thing. And that is the truth. That famous saying by Eleanor Roosevelt 'No one can
make you feel inferior without your own consent.'. If someone called me a green
ugly monster. I am gonna laugh and go that's ridiculous, because I know I'm not
a green ugly monster. However if there's just even a teeny tiny like 1% within me
that thinks I might maybe look like a green ugly monster. That's gonna impact
me. If a bully says that to me it's going to make me feel insecure and worried and
stressed and anxious. So if you feel that make sure you go into that feeling and
question that. Just because you might think that a worry that might exist.
Does not mean it's the truth. So if something gets triggered within an emotion.
Learn to explore it and go through all those feelings. If you feel something
that doesn't feel right don't try and mask it.
Don't try and distract yourself. Feel that emotion, process those emotions that
you come out the other side. And experience that personal growth. Now for anyone
out there that is experiencing bullying and is feeling insecure. Please know that
you are not alone .And please know that I want to be part of the solution in
helping you heal and grow and become stronger in handling and dealing with
bullies. And as I said if you ever see someone being bullied make sure you step
in there and help them. And share with them any techniques or steps that you
use personally to help manage bullies. Together we can join forces and stamp
out bullies for good. Now I really hope you found this video around bullying
helpful. If you think that someone needs to watch this video, as I said please
make sure they sit down and watch it. Or share on social media through your
Facebook page. Or simply email it to important people that you love. Alright
everyone have a fantastic week, and I'll see you next week for money Monday.
Ciao for now.
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