Tanveer Arora
I grew up in India
during a time when high speed internet wasn't available
and by high speed internet I mean
on demand porn
like I remember 1995 was when VSNL introduced internet to India
and it was super expensive you know
it was like 10-15 thousand rupees per month
my parents they still purchased it because
no reason, they are rich man
they are so rich we were the first few families who got vacuum cleaners in India
and we didn't even know what the use was
until we watched the movie 3 idiots
I was like 13-14 years old
lot of people were talking about porn on the internet
so I really wanted to check what it was about
I went to my dad and I was like
dad I want to use the computer because I want to access the internet
he was like what for
I was like, well, I want to know what's happening around the world
technically, I was right, right?
my dad actually really proud of me
that his 13 year old wants to know what's happening around the world
he almost had tears in his eyes and he then
handed me a newspaper
he was like whatever you want to know about the world its in this, read
I was a little bummed about that
so I took the newspaper to my room and I just opened to a random page
I saw this ad with a sexy chic printed on it
and it said, do you want to have fun?
huh, how did you know?
of course I want to have fun
then, there was a number printed +1866…
ah I was like my dad tricked me into doing math again
but, turned out it was a international number
I called the number and this American lady started talking to me
so, it was almost like the reverse tech support call you know
and she started talking dirty to me
honestly it made me a little nervous you know
cause I had never talked to a girl before, like never
except for Ria and Anjali
but Ria and Anjali were my cousins
which wasn't really a problem
it's just that they've were ugly
but anyways, the lady on the phone was like
do you know what I am wearing
I'm like FaceTime hasn't been invented so no
she was like I am wearing absolutely nothing
I am like I believe you
she was like can you get me a credit card
so I went to my dad's room and borrowed his credit card
by borrowed I mean I stole
I gave the credit card to her and she was like this is how its going to work
I'm going to charge you by the minute
but the minimum is 5 minutes
I was ike frankly I don't think so I can last that long
can these minutes be carried over for next time
she was like no
but I had a lot of fun, it was a great call
and this became like a habit, I used to call like every week
don't judge me, please
the thing was I never never ever utilized the complete 5 minutes
max 3 or 4 minutes
and I don't know sometimes whether it was because of the American accent
sometimes the lady saying hello, would do it for me you know
I even told a friend of mine
dude I found this sex hotlines number, you call them, they talk dirty to you, it's awesome
a lot of fun
but there is just one problem
he was like what's the problem
I was like every time I have to call into these numbers
I have to sneak into my dads room
make sure he's sleeping
find hid pair of trousers, get my hands into his wallet, which is next to the keys
I don't want to make any noise, cause not the kids
but the dad is sleeping
take the credit card, get to my room, have fun
wash my hands, keep the credit card back
he was like this sex hotlines number, you have it memorized?
I was like no, I have written it on a piece of paper
he said why the f*** you can't do that with the credit card
I was like yeah you got a point
I am the dumbass
you are my best friend from now on
all the minutes that get carried over are yours
this one time my credit card got declined
and I kept cursing myself for bad handwriting
turned out my dad had changed his credit card
maybe he got suspicious, I don't know
but the best thing about these sex hotlines was
every time you call them, the first 30 seconds were absolutely free
and then they charged you, then they asked for a credit card
so guess what?
I reconfigured my body
to get off in 30 seconds
like I used to call into this number, have 30 seconds of fun
the moment they asked me for a credit card
that is it, that was my cue to climax
this became my new thing
call in the number, have 30 seconds of fun
may I have your credit card?
aaahhhhhhhh
call in the number, have 30 seconds of fun
may I have your credit card?
aaahhhhhhhh
it was going all well
until I went to Shoppers Stop with my family
we were in the checkout lane
and the checkout lady asked my dad for a credit card
I was like aaahhhhhhhh
but all things considered
I was really proud of myself for having found a very economical way of having fun
#desi
but what I forgot about was it was an international number
my dad noticed the phone bill was a lot
so he called MTNL and asked for an itemized bill
you know what itemized bill was for me?
my death certificate
I was like that's it that's it, I am screwed for life, I am gone
and then I heard my dad fighting with MTNL saying
I only called in this number twice
why are you billing me for 8 times?
that's when I understood
like father like son!
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