Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Don't worry about him, he can't hurt you.'
Mistress of the Apes is the 7th film we're reviewed directed by Larry Buchanan,
and it's much less dull than most of his back catalogue.
'It's a beautiful efficient piece'
I wouldn't go that far, it's still Buchanan.
'At first these shots seemed amatuerish to me.'
So cheap they can't even afford a whole bead curtain.
'Excuse me, are you ready for dictation.'
The best in sexy dialogue.
'Why don't you just shut up and function'
and characters who struggle with basic English.
'You're not telling me you found some type of ape man'
'Neither ape nor man, Mr Thurston, but, as I said, somewhere in between'
That's exactly what an ape-man is, that's the definition.
'We're going to find the missing link'
'I'm going to find my husband'
For Susan Jamison this is more than a scientific expedition, she's looking for her anthropologist husband.
'Yesterday is 5 weeks to the day he's been missing in the congo basin'
Accompanied by a jungle guide, some natives, and, for some reason,
an untrustworthy man who keeps shooting things…
and hitting on her.
'Or have you conveniently forgotten about your marriage'
Despite the presence of his wife in the next tent.
Susan quickly puts him off.
'You know I have a healthy interest in sex David.'
That should do it. And just as well, unbeknownst to her, this man is also responsible for her husband's death,
working with a pair of poachers.
'By the time we finally left, 6 hyenas were tearing his guts out.'
So; in league with poachers, killed her husband, cheats on his wife,
'I think I have better statistics than she has'
doing his secretary. We can probably call him the bad guy.
Something that's confirmed when they discover a tribe of missing links…
They respond in kind, killing one of the native porters...
Now Susan strikes out on her own to search for her husband.
'In case you've forgotten; the primary purpose of this trip was to find my husband'
Finding instead the missing links, or 'near men' and…
Well that's a totally normal thing to do.
'Oh I can explain that'
In her defence, the dead one appears to have been the only female so the baby would have died,
but she now joins with the near-men, mimicking their behaviour.
#Ape Lady, the mistress of the apes#
Not quite Andy Serkis.
This sudden arrival of a comedy rock song and symbolic banana eating…
#She's an ape lady, she's the mistress of the apes,#
#She's an ape lady, when she call they congregate.#
is a bit of tonal shift as it immediately follows the bad guy handing his wife over to the poachers.
'She's family too gentlemen, be my guest'
Also can we flash back a few minutes?
'In case you've forgotten; the primary purpose of this trip was to find my husband'
In case we've forgotten?
'Brady and Sykes killed your husband'
Okay so it would have been a waste of time but she didn't know that when she abandoned the search to play Jane Goodall with the near-men.
'As far as I can tell there is 8 letters in the alphabet.'
An alphabet only exists in a written language.
'And I am a scientist'
When wife and guide escape, rather than leaving, Susan asks them to take care of David and the poachers.
Something they do with a series of high school pranks, rather than just smothering them as they sleep.
'Snakes don't open and close cans'
This is to buy Susan more time for study.
She's a learning a lot.
'Looks like Women's Lib hasn't penetrated Africa yet'
Putting the borderline bestiality to one side, let's not forget the near-men did kill the native girl.
'Now is that just a friendly gesture from your peace loving friends?'
There's a real tussle in the film between seeing them as animals who aren't responsible for their actions and
'A reasoning thinking man'
who you can live with, talk with, sleep with, and it not be weird.
'A horrible thought just crossed my mind'
Secondly the golden rule in studying animals is don't get involved.
'That makes sense to you?'
She's suckled their young, joined their troupe, shacked up with one of them,
which causes a violent rift in the group…
and now her presence leads the bad guys to them.
How do you think this has gone?
'The near men need me'
I really don't think they do.
'And when the baby comes?'
The what, now?!
'I'm sorry I asked that.'
This makes that Tarzan film with Bo Derek, look normal.
'Good luck.'
#Ape Momma, Ape lover, she's the mistress of the apes.#
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We've done seven Larry Buchanan films already, but there are more which should we review next?
Let us know in the comments below
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