Hi everyone what's up ? I hope you're doing well
I'm Yoann I'm Andréa And you're on my channel my life in the USA
We're here today for a new video and if you don't know us
I'm French I'm American
We met in the States, but we'll talk about it in a minute
And we make videos
On French and American language, life in the USA
There are many different interesting things
Today is a very special video that many of you have requested
and we're asked those questions a lot !
so we're going to answer them today. So it's: being a Franco-American couple
The first question is
How did you guys meet?
So, in Madison, in the States.
In Wisconsin, it's the State right behind me!
I was living in the States and I was in grad School in the U.S.
and I was already in the States and I was looking for a grad school program
and we found the same program in Madison
So we ended up in the same class
a very classic story
and little by little things led to another
we were lucky because the program was during the first year
in Madison, so we were one year together
and after that it was an internship
I did my master's degree in one year
I did my internship while I was taking classes
and because Andréa is American she had to do her internship in France
She had her internship in Paris and I was looking for a job
and I got a job in Paris by chance
so we decided to move there...I mean Andréa was going to France anyway
I got my job in Paris
And we moved in together in Paris and now it's going to be 2 years soon
wow
2 years in August since we've been living in Paris
so her internship has become a full time job
and now we're here together
Question number 2
What is a cultural difference you noticed when you started dating?
For me
it was something that a lot of American people notice
when they date someone from Europe or France
it was that I wasn't aware that we were an official couple
I don't follow all the American dating rules
but it's a thing when
there is usually
at least a conversation, or just a ...
They call that : The talk in English
are we
what are we?
Once we were walking down the street and
Yoann mentioned "yeah my sister asked me what's your girlfriend's name?"
or something like that
and I was like...
ok ...I'm your girlfriend, I didn't know
exactly, there is really the culture
in France, we don't have the dating culture
and it's so different for us as French people
and for you in the French culture
for us it's logical
I think you're going to agree
if we're behaving like a couple and we are only seeing one person
we're a couple
and for me to say: do you want to be my girlfriend?
I feel like being in kindergarten or primary school
with the little sheet of paper
Do you want to go out with me? circle yes or no
it doesn't mean that
I was someone who was going out with many men at the same time
because in the dating culture in the U.S.
It's accepted, to go on dates
with different persons and see who's the right one
until someone asks you
are we a couple? etc.. It's so weird for us !
It was kind of a surprise
I think for me it's exactly the same
when did we start being together? When is our official date?
I thought...is it our firs kiss?
And André was like: "but we never had the talk, so how can we know?"
it's pretty funny, it's the big difference I think
write down in the comments below, if you experienced a similar situation
If you had the same issue
we didn't have the talk
Another difference, I think that in the U.S. we are less
PDA
it can be to hold hands
to kiss..
I think that in France, we're way more open
to hold hands, kiss in public
way more open in general
in the relationship in general
which I found awesome because I think in the U.S. we're too...
prude
and we keep that
for the private time
next question, we're asked this question very often
What language do you speak together?
It's 50/50
both, yeah I think it's well divided
A lot of Franglish
sometimes at the restaurant, people must think
what is that sentence starting in French and ending in English?
for me, many times I'm the one speaking French
Because I want
to practice and improve all the time
and when I think that it's too complicated
to express myself
or that it's a more serious topic
I'm going to speak English
and it's the same for me
I speak a lot in English, with you
and in general, because even at work I speak English
there are many situations
when you're going to speak French and I'm going to speak English, so that's funny
but yeah...honestly it's very natural
and we don't think ok today we need to speak more French
it went naturally
so it's a real mix. I started like that
It's true that at the beginning, I was more
shy to speak French And your French wasn't as good as it is now
so I was shy to speak with a real French person
but little by little it has been a good thing that I was speaking French
because it became
natural
next question: What is a challenge one can face when being in a bi-cultural relationship?
A Franco-American couple?
For me I think,
a challenge is to understand habits of the other culture
Even if you understand
all the habits
described in a book
living those differences can be a challenge
An example?
I always use this example
when we started living together
here in Paris
there was, like with all the houses here in France
the blinds
you know they are the things outside the windows
in the States, it doesn't exist
AT ALL (wrong French prononciation)
AT ALL (correct prononciation)
what is it?
it doesn't exist, we have curtains, not blinds
after a day of work, we would come back
and I like to have the windows open
to have the light
from the sky...
And Yoann, would close the blinds right away
it's automatic, it's night time
the light is on inside, people who come in the courtyard can see inside your house
so I close them right away
and Andréa would go back behind my back and open them
and so it was this little war, ok we close them half way
it was ridiculous, but at the same time we laugh about it
and that's true that lots of American people I know told me
when they came to France
they asked if it was dangerous, why do we close the blinds
even your parents when they came to visit
there is also in France, the culture of the private bubble,
and in the U.S. it bothers less
lots of windows in the U.S. are big and without curtains
and it's also because of the size
France is a smaller country, you're with people all the time
when you go back home
you want to be by yourself and not to have people look at you
but in the U.S. it's bigger
I'm not talking in big cities but in general
it's bigger
and it doesn't bother to have
not open but just to have the curtains, where you can see inside
I think for me that
it's the popculture and the cultural references
for example, when we watch a tv show
where there's a reference
simple example
the movie Astérix & Obélix
is filled with French cultural references and puns
it's difficult for someone who's not French
I'm lucky because Andréa speaks French very well
she can understand
It's difficult
yes this movie is very difficult
for people who didn't live in France
or who don't have that French cultural background
humour, in general can be another challenge
it's an advantage, she speaks French very well
I can explain and she'll get it
But it's also a question of having this knowledge
and when
you take the time to explain, you also lose some of it
then there is also movies, that are a part of the French patrimoine,
For example
"Le père noël est une ordure", "les bronzés"
all those movies that when you watch it from a foreign eye you can think ...
and it takes time
to find an appreciation for them
but also with friends
there were times when
I was a group of Yoann's friends or he was with a group of friends of mine
and we talk about something
and we might feel outside of the conversation
and we don't let the other one outside
but it can create a wall
exactly
as always, write in the comments, your experience
next question: the advantage of being a bi-cultural couple
I think that
the previous disadvantage is also an advantage
Because we learn a lot of things
there are a lot of things that I learned from Andréa
when she's like look it's something very famous in the States
everybody watched that when they were kids
and there are things you learn from each other
so it can be an disadvantage
but it's also a big advantage because we learn a lot of things
also if we speak each other's languages
you always have someone you can practice
and we're also very open. We correct each other
it's done very naturally
For example, Andréa is going to say
"J'aime pas DE tout". And I'll say: "J'aime pas DU tout"
and I'm just going to repeat it correctly
I'm not going to say "be careful mistake"
Yes because it can become
horrible
I experienced that a little bit with someone who corrects you all the time
and then you stop wanting to speak
you think that you make too many mistakes
I don't speak French well at all
I'm going to stop
It's exactly that
I think it's important to correct each other because it's also the goal
hearing the other speaking their native language, we can improve
but you have to find the right way of correcting people
being careful not to become something that does the opposite
Another question we're asked a lot
Kids ! Later...
Do you want kids?
What language are you going to speak to them?
and do you want them to grow up in France or in the USA?
a mix, both languages
I thin that
when you're a couple where there are one or more languages
I was going to say 2 or a few languages
it's important to teach those languages to your kids
because it's proved, if you have done some linguistics
a kid growing up with a parent speaking English and another speaking French for example will speak both
perfectly
and I don't see myself speaking English, even if I'm fluent, I don't see myself speaking English to my kid
and me neither
it's not natural
exactly not natural
when you take a baby in your arms and have to speak... I don't know..
me neither, not even with dogs!
it's very difficult to use cute words
the emotional
is connected with your mother tongue I think
but about the education
so far, we're on the path to stay in France for a little while
and we don't know if we want to go back to the States
so far we think staying here
for me I have some issues with the American Education
first of all the cost
it's something very important
I think we always want our kids to experience what we did
it's also maybe why
I want my kids to go to school in France
Yeah, we always want to repeat what we lived
and on the other side, I worked in primary school in the U.S. and I was like
it's so cool, they don't do that in France
there are many positive sides in the U.S.
there are many many things I enjoy about the States
it's more about education in general
that we teach to the kids, which is more substantial
according to me, not judging
and coming back to the language question
we're lucky because
we work with colleagues who are
bi-cultural couples, and we can see
how they do
with their kids
and it helps a lot It doesn't scare that much
we can ask question and learn about their experience
how they did in school
can a bilingual kid be in a normal school
with kids
in a classic English class in a French middle school?
Yes, I have the example with my colleague
The last question is :
What advice if you're a
bi-cultural couple
if you face challenges, in your relationship
how to succeed, when we're a bi-cultural couple?
and according to us, we're not experts
according to our experience
I think that a very very very important thing is a completely open
communication
and an empathy for the other one
because
it's going to happen without a doubt
that one day there will be a misunderstanding about something
and if we hide it or keep it inside
it's simply going to explode at some point
especially when it's related to something cultural
a habit
how....for example...
how the family....
does things
when you go to your partner's family
if the family have a very different way of living
from your own, you have to be able to talk about it together
without judging
it's important to listen
and try to understand
and if necessary, maybe try to change or do things differently
to avoid being a painful moment for the other person
because without no communication
it's just becoming too much
and it can lead to....
a break up
I also think that the language
it's important
I think that we have this advantage that we both can speak each other's language very fluently
to be able to speak both languages
and I know that there is always a moment when you need to speak your own language
Let's imagine if Andrea couldn't speak French
and we were speaking French all the time
and that she couldn't understand French. And for example, we're watching TV
not being able to share the culture
or not being able to express yourself on a sensitive topic
in your own language
and that the other one cannot understand
I think that it can be a challenge
I think that
at some point, both have to speak the language of the other one
it's an advice, if you meet someone who come from another country
and that you don't speak the language
I think it's very important to try to learn
because there will be too many things unsaid
because
there are moment when you need to express when you're angry
when you're sad, when you're very happy
expressing all of that in another language
it doesn't always capture everything you fell
so our main advice is communication !
speak, speak, speak
do not leave things unsaid
so here we go, the video is coming to an end. It was very interesting and I hope you enjoyed it
share you experience in the comments below
if you had one, if you're having one
with someone from another country, culture, language
If you enjoyed this video leave it a thumbs up
and we'll see you next time on my channel
my life in the USA ! BYE
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