♪ Babada-dooba-doodu- bang-bang ♪
♪ Booba-dooba-doo-bee bado-daba-dabeep-bop ♪
I believe in this health and wellness.
I believe in this fitness lifestyle.
You know what? Why not drag
one of my closest friends in with me?
So I'm waiting on Conan O'Brien to come outside now.
I'm about to take his old ass to the gym with me,
his old, pale ass.
- There he is. - Hey.
- Good to see you. - Hey. Good to see you too.
How you doing?
- Not good. - Not good? What happened?
I'm here. Long night, Conan.
Okay. Nothing's gonna make you feel better
than a good workout. Here's my thought,
nothing gets the endorphins going like wrestling
with large naked men.
- Okay. That's... - You wanna hear what we're
- gonna do today? - What are we gonna do?
We're gonna sumo wrestle.
( music playing )
( yelling in foreign language )
It was interesting because I was watching
male pornography when a pop-up ad came up
for male sumo wrestling and I thought,
- "That's what I see when I look in the mirror." - ( laughs )
So...
You're a damaged soul.
It's not my fault.
Grew up in a rough neighborhood.
Enough.
- Conan, enough. - (laughs)
How does your wife do it?
How does she do it?
Well, I'll be honest, she never seems quite happy.
- Oh, my God. - ( laughs )
Oh, my God.
So listen, sumo wrestlers burn
up to 30,000 calories a day.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
So here's what we got to do,
- we got to carbo load if-- - We got to what?
There's a new school of thought, very new.
It says, before you exercise
you have to get as many fats,
and as much sugar into you as possible.
This is what I always do when I walk into a restaurant.
Watch this.
Hey, folks, everyone settle down, yeah.
Some pretty big celebrities
just walked into the room.
Let's not get crazy, all right?
This happens every day, just settle down.
I do that every time I walk into a joint.
( laughs )
Waitress: Good morning. Can I get you guys
some coffee maybe?
Yeah, actually let me get a...
black coffee.
- Okay. - Do want a coffee?
Yeah. Do you have beer?
- I do, yes. - Wait, what?
- Do you have Sam Adams? - I sure do.
- Give me a Sam Adams. - No, no. Stop. No
- I want a Sam Adams. I want to carbo load. - I'll go ahead
- and get that for him. - I order for me,
- he orders for him. - it's a good starter for the morning.
- I'll get a Sam Adams. - And you're old enough, right?
- I love you. ( growls ) - I'll be right back. ( laughs )
Women love it when you... ( growls )
Conan.
All right, that's it.
Do you want some of this?
This is free. You can have as many of these
- as you want. - Hey, Conan, don't do that.
I take these when I go...
- All right, all right. - ...to a restaurant.
- All right. - We don't need the Sam Adams.
- There you go. - Sam Adams is a good beer.
Would you guys like to order?
- Conan: Yeah. - Kevin: Give me some scrambled
- egg whites. - scrambled egg whites, okay.
Turkey bacon, and let me get
- the whole wheat toast. - Would you like that
with butter?
- No. Ugh. - No butter?
- No butter. - Eat healthy all the way.
- Yeah. Healthy all the way. - Okay.
- Thank you. - What about you?
All right, I would like two Belgian waffles
- with whipped cream. - Okay.
I would like bacon,
I would also like sausage.
Give me a ham steak.
I would also like to have pancakes.
How many do you want?
- I want like nine pancakes. - Nine of them.
- Stop. - Okay. I would also like--
Excuse me, did I interrupt your order?
- Okay. Stop. - Did I interrupt your order?
- Okay? - Okay, perfect.
Does anybody else here not care about their heart?
- ( laughter ) - Waitress: All right, all set.
We got some sausage, nine pancakes,
waffles, second waffle.
I'm not paying for this ( bleep ).
I'll pay for it, okay?
( music playing )
- Can we get that pie to go? - You sure can.
- Yes, can I get another beer? - All right, that's enough.
- Right. - That's enough, let's go.
- Let's go. - Wait up.
- Just give me a second. - Thank you, ma'am.
- Check. - Conan: No, no.
- I think we're good. - Check!
Check!
That's enough, you don't need this.
- I'm gonna take that with me. - That's enough.
- Oh, what did you do that for? - Just pay the bill.
- Pay the bill. - That was a good beer.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you. Everyone have a great meal
- and a terrific day, right? - Man: Yeah.
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
What the hell is wrong with you, people?
- ( laughter ) - ( Conan grumbles )
- Waitress: Have a good day, thanks. - Conan: Thank you.
Kevin: Listen, listen,
- U.S.A. U.S.A... - Yeah. And I love nobody...
- Nobody says... - Nobody says anything.
- "What's wrong with you people?" - ( laughter )
( music playing )
You chanted "U..."
- Do you want pie? - No.
I don't want pie.
( music playing )
To be completely honest,
I don't feel great right now.
I think the beer might have been a mistake,
might have been. I'm not putting it
in the definite mistake column yet.
Belgian waffle was a mistake.
- What are you talking about? - Pancakes.
I just don't feel great.
I feel a little sluggish because of--
I think because of what I ate.
I think I'm gonna have diarrhea
in like half an hour.
Of course you are. That's great.
This is your car, right?
- Of course. - I'd hate to have diarrhea
- In my car. - Of course. Right.
Are you-- are you serious right now?
I wish I was wearing an adult diaper.
That's great. That's perfect.
Because then I would just ( bleep ) right now.
Of course you would.
Of course, it'd be an odor
- not pleasant for you, but... - That's right.
- if it's a good diaper... - That's right.
Maybe if we could just refrain
- from... - Okay.
- from doing it now. - Okay.
Listen to me, when we get there
I'm gonna have diarrhea,
- we'll get that out of way, - That's good.
we'll evacuate my bowels,
- Then I'm ready to sumo wrestle. - Okay.
( music playing )
Kevin: I can't believe you dragged me into this ( bleep ).
Doesn't it feel good to not be in a gym?
Doesn't it feel good to be
- in this beautiful setting? - I'm not knocking that,
I'm not knocking that.
I'm not a negative Nancy.
I'll embrace what you said and what-- Oh, my god.
( music playing )
( yelling in foreign language )
Yeah.
Yeah.
( grunting )
Yup.
Nice, very nice.
We honor you.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
( man speaks in foreign language )
- Yes. - I have Nakashi.
- He's from Japan. - Kevin: Nakashi.
Nakashi, I honor you
- and I accept you. - Nakashi.
You're from Idaho?
- Kevin: From Idaho? - I'm not gonna bow to Idaho.
He's not real.
- Are you a champion? - Five-time champion,
- U.S. champion. - From Idaho?
- Kelly: Yup. - That's a yes!
- U.S.A.! U.S.... - No, stop it, stop it,
Don't do that. Okay, well,
hey, hey, good, hey, baby,
Conan: I honor you
- and the state of Idaho. - There you go.
Kevin: Okay.
Can we put it on over? 'Cause no one wants
to see my body.
Time out. I'm not--
I'm not gonna put nothing in my ass like that.
I got way too much ( bleep ) for that.
( gong strike )
- Yeah, me too. - I'm being honest.
We have large penises.
Well, I mean, come on.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on. - That's not--
- that's not-- that's not... - What's that? I wanted to do it
- and, get, include myself and... - That's not--stop it.
- What's that? - Stop it.
Wrap me up, cuz.
I feel like I'm getting violated, cuz.
Conan: This feels good. Did you like that feeling?
It's just right up in there.
- This is crazy, guys. - See, well, this is--
this is what it looks like.
There's no-- it's a kind of white
- you don't see a lot. - Oh, God.
( strained ) Yeah, that's good.
( grunting )
I think that's enough.
Hold on, keep pulling. Keep going, that's good.
Kevin: Oh, come on, that's not...
- That's good. - Okay, you're ready.
- ♪ Give it up ♪ - Now,
I'm gonna show you that matawari,
it's very important for sumo wrestlers.
It's flexibility.
Y'all need to start throwing tights up
- under to this ( bleep ). - Okay, go ahead guys.
Idaho, that's enough. Hey, hey, guys!
- Conan: Oh, God! Look at that! - Kevin: That's enough.
Conan: That isn't right.
- Jesus. - Kevin: No, man!
I'm not looking at that.
I'm married, cuz.
Okay. ( grunts )
- What are you doing, man? - I was just admiring.
- Right. - If you dip low on me,
that mean I get to... pop, pop,
No, you cannot kick or you can't punch.
- No punching? - No.
Excuse me, let me handle this.
What about scratching?
- Can we scratch? - No.
- Poke, can we poke? - You have to push--
no, no poking.
- No poking? - What about this salt
right here? Look, what about this stuff?
- Yeah. - If you get close to me,
can I do this? Eh.
Conan: Throw salt at someone?
No, you cannot do that.
- Yeah. - You can't throw salt?
Jean-Claude Van Damme did.
So, before the matches,
we have the ritual.
When you come the ring,
- you have to bow first. - Conan: Yeah.
And then go down,
one,
two, three,
four, five,
six, seven, eight.
- So that means... - Conan: Okay.
you don't hide any weapons in my body.
- Okay. - Right.
So come, come here.
I mean, really, if you wanna be thorough,
you would allow an anal cavity search.
- No. - True.
Conan, I don't think they're gonna do that.
- They don't do that. - Technically, if you wanted
- to really be sure - Conan, just stop.
that there's no weapon, you would get your hand
- inside my... - Conan, stop it.
- I can hide a toolbox in here. - Yeah, it's okay.
You don't got to open up that toolbox,
- Jesus Christ. - I don't get it. Look at this.
All right, Conan, you go first against Idaho.
- What are you talking about? - Whoo!
- What are you talking about? - Let's go.
Let's go. Match one.
( music playing )
Put him in a body bag!
Is that for me? You put him--
- Oh, yeah. - Go ahead. Just go.
Okay!
( yelling, grunting )
- Okay! All right. - Jesus,
- what was that? - That was close.
That was close. Let's try it again.
- Go at him! - Again!
( yelling, grunting )
What? Try it again.
Oh, how awful is he?
Okay.
( yelling, grunting )
All right, stop, stop, stop. Let's just hold each other
- for a bit. - Hey, you cannot stop.
We're just gonna hold each other.
Kevin: That's enough.
Y'all ain't never had somebody with
that money Mayweather style.
- Okay. - ( screaming )
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I got him where I want him.
I got him where I want him, baby.
( slow motion ) Oh, I got him
where I want him, baby.
Time out.
I thought that was very good. I thought you did great.
- Yeah. - Bow, you need to bow.
I ain't got no problem with that.
How it feel to get your ass whooped?
East side,
Kevin.
( music playing )
West side, Conan.
Okay! Go!
( dramatic music playing )
Oh, you done messed up now.
( hip-hop music playing )
( laughs )
( dramatic music resumes )
( grunting )
No, no! Stop.
Start the match over.
This is how we do it.
- Yeah. - Guys, lay back.
- Yes. Don't worry. - This is how we do it!
( screams )
Die! Kill!
- No! No! - Kill!
( both grunting, yelling )
Ah!
( babbling )
Kevin Hart is the winner!
( cheering )
Show respect, bow each other.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
I made sumo my ( bleep ).
- Good job, man. - Good job, you did great, man.
Good job, guys.
( Kevin clapping )
- Good job. Good job, guys. - ( screams )
- Nothing. - ( speaking in foreign language )
( laughter )
Kevin: Kevin Hart here. If you like "What the Fit,"
then click the videos to watch more.
You'll also probably like my YouTube channel,
"Laugh Out Loud."
Subscribe now by clicking the logo.
( heart beating )
( music playing )
( musical chime )
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