USA news on Youtube Oct 9 2017

Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World

It's fair to say that Jason goes to Hell opens with horror cliches intact; an old woodshed

mirrors

dodgy lighting

and a vulnerable female in a towel pursued through the woods

It's also fair to say it then blows these cliches up

Well that's the end of that

'I don't think so'

What an odd man

'That makes me think of a little girl in a pink dress sticking a hot dog through a donut'

I don't where to go with that

'Quite a character'

This is the 9th Friday the 13th film and, cards on the table, I haven't seen all of the previous 8

so I may just be lost in the subtleties of the plot.

Then again.

Following the explosive opening Jason undergoes the least necessary autopsy since that guy riding the bomb at the end of Dr Strangelove

'Fatty deposits- left right atria'

Well I expect that's what killed him. But then

(HEART BEAT)

Don't do that! Think of the cholesterol!

Jason can inhabit other bodies,

'He wears other people's bodies like folks wear a suit'

because, when you make a film about an iconic character, what you want to do is get rid of everything that made them iconic

'For 20 years the mere mention of the name jason Vorhees has been enough to send a shudder of fear through the hearts of the entire nation'

But with him presumed dead...

'We're going to Crystal Lake'

'Planning on smoking a little dope, having a little pre-marital sex and getting slaughtered'

I buy this completely

'We're thinking about going skinny dipping later'

There's always someone who gets off on danger.

Well you're just taking all kinds of risks aren't you?

I keep wondering if any of these characters is going to live long enough to be the film's lead,

cos we're now 35 minutes and 12 murders in and I don't know who I'm following

'Jason Voorhees is dead'

Diane seems a possibility

Why are you stepping over him? Have you never seen a horror film

But she has a daughter

'Guess what'

I just had a baby

'She yours?'

No, I boosted her out of a hospital on my way here.

'It's a joke'

Now the weirdo from earlier returns to play Basil Exposition

'The only way to kill Jason Voorhees is destroy his heart'

And blowing him up didn't do that?

'Only by the hand of a Voorhees may he die'

Useful information but I do wonder a) how he knows,

and b) why I'm learning it 48 minutes into an 87 minute movie

'Tonight we can send Jason Voorhees straight to Hell for all time'

Up to now this has just been a procession of violence scored with the subtlety of a cartoon.

references to better movies.

'What the hell'

and whatever the hell this is

plus some ham fisted character establishment

'I stole Diane's body and hid it in the closet. And then I went home and fucked her daughter'

So, bad guy. Back to the cliches

No one in a horror film ever gets through a shower. I blame Alfred Hitchcock

then there's the stuff that's just plain stupid

not buying it

'He's still breathing.'

through his wrist?

Although for stupid you have to go quite a long way to beat Jason's puppet heart

Also, it's been a while since I watched a Friday the 13th film,

can someone tell me when it became bleeding harry potter

When I watched this and reached the bit about Diane being Jason's sister

'Jason had a sister. Your girlfriend's mother, Diana'

I thought, we can't review this, there's a clearly an extensive back story I know nothing about

'Son of a bitch. Remember me?'

Turns out, and please correct me if I've been ill-informed, no one knows about it;

it ignores the events of previous films, and all the sister, only killed by his own bloodline stuff is out of nowhere

'Why don't you just shut up'

I'm not a fan of the franchise and even I'm pissed!

You can't win me back now, it's too late.

'In my professional opinion, this guy's deader than shit'

But at least the hero and heroine get to walk off into the sunrise

Have they left the baby behind?

'Oh Shit!'

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We don't generally touch on the big mainstream franchises

But are there any others as bad as Jason goes to hell

Is there anything as bad as Jason goes to hell which should we be doing next let us know in the comments below